INTENSE CANDLE: Unhex/Healing/Halo…

yoo….. I don’t know how to take everything in just yet…. everything right now is bittersweet. I’ve been crying and laughing a lot. me and my love are finally getting to the root of the problem with our relationship.. or at least we’re both really trying to. My ex, the one that destroyed and completely changed me came back OUT OF NOWHERE saying “hey Darlene, I know this might be awk hearing from me after all these years…. Blah blah blah” I would type out the rest but man, it was a long paragraph. but long story short, he’s at the lowest point at his life right now and the only person he wanted to talk to and feel some type of comfort…. is me….. y’all…. the devil knows wtf he’s doing…… ‘cause I’ve been GOING THROUGH IT. In the past month alone, was losing the best thing/person that I was ever blessed with, was about literally so close to being taken in on a 51/50 call….. which if any of you guys don’t know is basically code for, you’re trying to hurt yourself or others…. I’ve never felt so down in my life…. My own bestfriend made a call to my old therapist and was put in a horrible position because she didn’t want me to go to a mental hospita, she just really wanted me to talk to someone and get some help…. But my old therapist made it bigger than what it was and made a call so they can take me to a mental hospital…. I’ve been to one of those before and from what I experience, that place doesn’t make you better. it makes you worse… and definitely more scared…. and I never even knew any Of that was going to happen….. no one talked to me… warned me about it….. my best friend did try to find a way around it but regardless, I still found out 20 MINUTES before the COPS came to my house to get me…. Mind you….. that was around 8 or 9 at NIGHT YO! AT NIGHT! apparently, the discussion of me being hospitalized was started earlier that morning…. And I found out at night 20 minutes before they got to my house.

the next week, I got two tickets….. one for speeding and the last one….. man, it was the last one for me…. I finally had the tiniest hope of me wanting to stay alive and be better…. Called my old therapist and told her I was ready to get help….. she said she wanted me to go over there in that moment so we can talk and I said bet okay…… I had to go put gas in my car first…. Got there, did what I needed to do until….. I realized I left my damn key inside my car….. BUT the window was open enough for mw to reach down and unlock it…. The fucking alarm goes tf off!! also mind you, I have the spare key…. The one without the buttons…. Uh yeah, that didn’t help at all, I couldn’t get the car alarm to stop…. I had to go back home to get the button to shut it off… the alarn was still going while I was driving and this red light in my car started blinking out of nowhere and my anxiety started acting up more and mor…. I wasnt focusing on the road like I should’v….. I didn’t notice the light switching…. pushed my breaks so hard but still passed the line and yuuuuup a mf pig on a motorcycle pulled me over….. I actually cried to him saying “please sir i mentally don’t feel good right now and I was literally on my way to go get help and I told him everything that happen just for him to say “that’s not my problem, we have to keep these streets safe”I just wanted to say like WHAT?! NO!!!!! You guys are out and about right now because it’s the end of the month and you need to meet your quota……. Literally cried for help and for what…… at that moment I regretted calling and asking for help….. like damn if I would’ve never called, this wouldn’t have happened…. it was one thing after another…. I’m surprised I’m here typing this right now tbh….. but whatever the case may be, I ordered myself the intense candle…. Unhexing/healing/halo to be exact. And slowly but surly, I’ve been feeling something different for sure…. Hope….. faith….. like I know for sure I’m gonna come back better than I was before……. So back to my ex….. the candle was literally about to finish when this mf hits me up….. like daaaaaaaamn, the devil is trying to win 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 BUT HA HE THOUGHT!! Blocked him. I wish him the best but I can’t fucking deal with that….. not so he can bring me lower…. And mess it up with the person I’m in love with now. But him coming back and him saying all of that. I forgive him for what he’s done and said to me. I didn’t let him know that but that’s only because I’m protecting myself and bubble. I want to be happy with my partner and have nothing holding me back anymore…..because I brought a lot of insecurities in my new relationship and that wasn’t fair to him…. I thought he was going to do me like that last mf…. But truth be told, he was no where near like the last….. he showed me what real love is…. now I know what I need to heal from and better myself for me and the people that I love and care about. I want forever with this man but I also want to love myself unconditionally too. I got a lot of work to do but I’m more than happy and willing to do it and have the life I actually deserve. And I deserve to be happy.

theres a lot more I wouldve typed but I’m falling asleep already 😅😅

OH! Last thing…. Candle finished…. Closed th lid…. Looked at the time….. it was 3:06 am…… idk why but it definitely gave me the fucking chills 😅😅😅😅 okay, that is all. Lol

hope everyone has a blessed one. ❤️🤍