So I burned supreme 4 last Friday for like 8-9 hrs. Things are bad in my life as it is so I can't tell but the situation has gotten even worse since lighting Supreme 4... like cornered with my back against the wall with nowhere to go type of worsened... again. Ppl in the house bullying me has picked up again and just bad unfavorable circumstances like the main narc coming back in the house 2 days after lighting Supreme 4 and the others acting even worse with me in his presence/Influence, this all is happening with me not reacting btw - I have been quiet for weeks and I feel like I'm being provoked for a reaction constantly and it's wearing me down now just having to absorb it, take it and be quiet. I never used to be like this - I always had something to say in my defense but now... idk I feel like something died inside in terms of emotions. However I did cry today after a like a month so I guess I'm just supressing my emotions at this point and today I couldn't hold it in anymore. I also no longer feel love, care or concern for one of the abusers any longer like I did before, I feel nothing now.
generally 1 thing I noticed aside from the candle is that shit hits the fan over and over not even a whole 2 weeks going by - like clockwork ... as soon as I start adjusting mentally and "feeling better" (if I can even call it that) things get bad all over again and one of them or all of them start some shit and when im minding my business; there's no mercy or sympathy for me at all. I wonder what affect this all is having on me mentally, emotionally, spiritually with the constant stress and up and down. just when I think ok, it can't get any worse... it does. The last couple months have been brutal and relentless. I've been consistently lighting candles since Dec.... I have not seen movement.. or perhaps haven't noticed it yet. I hope it's happening, maybe I just can't see it. I just wonder what God/Spirit is doing with my life and what my purpose is besides being a punching bag. just a lot of suffering for one person to go through alone - I just think it's unfair, and for the people doing me wrong and kicking me when I'm down not getting their karma 💔 except for the house foundation pipe breaking (but Insurance will reimburse that 🤦🏻♀️)
if anyone else is goin through hard times or similar circumstances such as being a scapegoat in a narcissistic family system, please know that you're not alone! We gotta leave though.. somehow, that much is clear. I wouldn't wish the scapegoat/black sheep role on anyone!
But besides all that just wanted to know what others have experienced since lighting Supreme 4?
And do y'all have any recommendations? Should I light WAR - I haven't tried that one yet, who's the target supposed to be? Any chant ideas? I also have defense, Stop - the conjure ones I have are 4 p of moon, 3 pos, 6pom, but I am scared to use the conjure ones lol and now it's going to be a challenge to light any of them since the narc is back home and I'm basically pushed to my room at all times.
The black sheep always end up being the host if you can understand your assignment. When dealing with narcissist you can not use emotion. You will never win! I don’t care if you curse them out and feel like you said everything you needed to say, YOU WILL NEVER WIN with them. I think people use the word narcissist to loosely. These are highly mentally disturb people. I would suggest YouTubing everything about narcissism to gain your mental strength back. It’s a mental game with them. Once you do that then light candles but if you have any emotion tied in with one I honestly don’t see anything working with them atleast not long term. You will have to go within and understand coming across a Narc is definitely a YOU problem. What’s inside of you that wasn’t healed enough! Not everything is called for candle work! Some situations Need a lot of Shadow work instead.